Thursday, October 30, 2008

Halloween Costume FAIL

Sooo, remember my grand-plan to be a refrigerator for Halloween? The idea came from a kid I went to elementary school with who dressed like a fridge in the third or fourth grade and I thought it was awesome. So at the ripe old age of twenty-four I thought I would do it too! Then I saw this on the Internet:
And thought "YES! YES! My dream costume + blood = awesome!"

So I went to work...and I thought I was doing pretty well, until it came time to paint the damn thing. If you look at the instructions for creating that costume it very clearly says "We spray-painted the entire thing white". Well, they must be LYING because spray-paint does not seem to work very well on cardboard.

Yeah...the tape? Totally spray-painted. The cardboard? Not so much.

So now I'm trying to figure out what else I can be that involves this damn box-costume I've built. Maybe a present with a dead head inside? Like in Se7en? Or a kissing booth with a zombie in it? hobo at home?

I have no idea. I'm really at a loss.

And on top of everything else I feel like death on a pancake. I've had this cold for a week or two now and today it was terrrrrrible. The spray-paint fumes? Not helping my headache very much.

So yeah...any ideas would be much appreciated.

If all else fails I'll just cover myself in blood and call it a day. "What are you this year?"

"Bleeding." ♦DiggIt!Add to del.icio.usAdd to Technorati Faves


I can't get the video to embed.

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Sunday, October 26, 2008

The Clogs, they are trying to kill me.

The lovely Miss Karin decided yesterday that I should vomit on everything. Or have a seizure. Or perhaps both. She sent me an e-mail with a subject line reading "ahem" and no content other than a link.

A link to something terrible:

Yes, these actually exist.

They are quite possibly the worst shoes I have ever seen in my life. EVER. Ugg Clogs? REALLY? I swear someone out there is trying to kill me. It's the only logical explanation. No one would actually WEAR these...would they?

I'm sorry I subjected you to them, but I couldn't suffer in silence. I just couldn't.

To make up for it, if you are in the NYC area and have a love for donuts, please check out this place: The Doughnut Plant

It's on the Lower East Side and the doughnuts are OUT OF THIS WORLD. Seriously, make a trip. It's worth it.

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Saturday, October 25, 2008

Happy Friday! Er...Saturday. Whatever

I am afraid of a lot of things. I'm afraid of bugs, rats, roaches, vermin in general, dying alone, being an orphan, growing up, the dark, frostbite, falling...the list goes on and on. I am also afraid of exceptionally old people. Not normal old people, but people who seem like they've always been old. Does that make sense?

At the beginning of this semester, in my first class, an exceptionally old person strolled in (with the help of her walker). I would have been perfectly okay with this had she not sat in my line of sight. And by "line of sight" I mean in the seat DIRECTLY IN FRONT OF ME. Not okay.

The scariest part about the exceptionally old lady is that her makeup is always exactly the same. Like it's tattooed on or something. Her eyebrows are painted on, her lips are painted on, she doesn't even look like a person. Which is freaky. She seems very nice, but there's something about her where she looks a little like a corpse already. Just having her in the class freaks me out, for two main reasons:
1) I'm terrified that she's just going to stop showing up to class one day. Because she's dead.
2) I'm afraid that NO ONE is going to mention the fact that the freakishly old lady in our class has suddenly stopped showing up because no one wants to bring up death.

And that just plays into my fears of dying alone, etc etc.
This lady never speaks in class, she nods and smiles, and seems perfectly coherent, but still somehow, absent. Or already dead. She might be a zombie! I wouldn't be able to tell because of all the makeup!

Does that make me terrible? I should probably just make an effort to talk to this woman , as we sit very close to each other twice a week, but I'm afraid to. There's another aspect of it where I'm afraid to talk to her and make a connection if she's going to kick the bucket in the next five minutes.

And the worst part is that I can't tell if that makes me a terrible person or simply a cautious one.

On a completely unrelated note - please read David Sedaris's piece about undecided voters in the upcoming election:

I look at these people and can’t quite believe that they exist. Are they professional actors? I wonder. Or are they simply laymen who want a lot of attention?

To put them in perspective, I think of being on an airplane. The flight attendant comes down the aisle with her food cart and, eventually, parks it beside my seat. “Can I interest you in the chicken?” she asks. “Or would you prefer the platter of shit with bits of broken glass in it?”

To be undecided in this election is to pause for a moment and then ask how the chicken is cooked.

You can read the rest on the New Yorker website, or in this week's New Yorker Magazine.

Also? I have a pimple INSIDE MY NOSE. It hurts like hell.

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Thursday, October 16, 2008

Just let me sit down for five minutes, okay?

So today!

9:00am - left the house

9:30am - Got to the office

9:30am-1:15pm - Sat at my desk, answered e-mails, responded to messages, etc. (Booooooring)

1:15pm-2:00pm (I shit you not) - Starbucks, back to my office with a botched order and BACK TO EFFING STARBUCKS. Longest. Coffee-run Ever.

2:00pm-4:30pm - Back at my desk...nothing to see here, move along. Oh, there was one thing - bought my ticket to CALIFORNIA! Woo hoo!

4:30pm - 4:45pm - Break! Lovely lovely break.

4:45pm - 5:45pm - Work! Showed off my Photoshop skills. Woo hoo!

5:45pm - 6:15pm - Running to the train and up to the garment district before my tailor closed.

6:15pm - Picked up my lovely well fitted bridesmaid dress for the Tigerlily-Boss wedding! (Which is Saturday. By the skin of my teeth, I know. Better late than never, right?)

6:30pm-7:30pm - Shot down to my mom's house, dropped off the dress, talked about the dress, changed my clothes, etc.

7:30pm - 9:30pm - Went to Union Square in hunt of shoes to wear with said bridesmaid dress. Went to five different stores. Ended up purchasing the first pair of shoes I saw at the first store I went to. Of course. Went to Barnes and Noble to find two books I desperately need. They were not in stock. Of course.

9:30pm - now. - Took train to my apartment, picked up a beer. Sat down and took a deep breath, updated blog, etc.

On the schedule for the rest of the evening? It gets better! (In that "this is going to suck" kind of way)

Finish beer and blog.
Throw some clothes in a bag.
High-tail it back to my mom's.
Throw together a two-page paper.
Do a touch of laundry.

I'm really looking forward to the sleep part.

My mother, my mother's best girlfriend (who happens to be male and straight), and Seth are all heading to the wedding together on Saturday afternoon. Finally, after much deliberation, my mother has decided on an outfit for the wedding which does not a)make her look old, b) make her look out of date or c) make me cringe. I'm very proud of her. It took a couple of tries. But she got it! Woo hoo! The men will most likely be wearing suits.

So, California...Though not the explicit purpose of the trip - I will be meeting Seth's parents and step-parents and grandparents for the first time while I am out there. Which is exciting! And also a little nerve racking. I know it shouldn't be a big deal and it's only fair since Seth has met, oh you know, my ENTIRE FAMILY. And he was fine! So I should be too! Right? Plus I get to see his brother again who I haven't actually seen since well before Seth and I got together. I'm looking forward to that, as well as seeing friends who have been out to visit New York in the past two years.

The other thing that makes me nervous? Meeting Seth's old friend and roommate who I'm (for no particular reason) completely convinced is going to hate me and stab me through the eye. Seth has not done much to quell these fears, though other friends of theirs have. I'm just completely convinced she's not going to like me, or think I'm good enough for her friend. or something. Paranoia much? Hello and welcome.

Oooooookay, back to running around.
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Tuesday, October 14, 2008

Hello Internet!

I'm alive! Hi, yeah...sorry.

Wedding Madness got the best of me and I've been a little stressed out and a little MIA. Oops.

So yeah...Portland was lovely, as was the wedding I attended the following weekend. I rode a horse for the first time! It hurt my butt. I also learned that horses are large scary beasts and being on a cranky one can be a little terrifying. Which might explain my face in this picture:
Uh-huh...having a greeeeeeeat time. (Actually, I had a lovely time when Red [that was his name, Red] was behaving.)

So...what else what else?

I'll bullet the main points because I am running late (of course):

-Seth and I are officially back together. We've changed our Facebook status and everything! Internet sanctioned relationship. Totally official.

-I'm planning on dressing up as a refrigerator for Halloween. I will post pictures.

-I seem to be going to California in about two weeks.

-The Tigerlily is getting married on Saturday and then wedding madness will be over!

-My cousin Anne got married this past Saturday, but unfortunately I had to miss it. I saw the pictures and she looked amazing and happy and yay! Congrats, cousin!

-I saw my Grandmother last week. She's still awesome, in case you were wondering.

-I will get better at blogging once I get back into the swing of things. I am fully aware that this entry was not my best.

KBAI ♦DiggIt!Add to del.icio.usAdd to Technorati Faves