Around November of 2001 I was sitting outside the Brooklyn Museum waiting for a friend, wearing an unattractive long blue coat, when an old woman with a shopping cart approached me. "Do you get cramps when you menstruate?" She asked me in her scratchy old lady witch voice.
"Excuse me?"
"Do you get cramps when you menstruaaaaaate?" She repeated.
"No, never! I'm, um....very lucky?" I replied. I was relatively disturbed that a stranger was asking me about my period.
"Well you will! Sitting on cold things! That's where the trouble starts!"
"I...What? But I'm sitting on my coat! I'm okay!"
"That's where the trouble starts!" She said, pointing at me menacingly. And then she shuffled away.
And then I started getting cramps.
Bitch.
ANYWAY - to top everything else off I got a nosebleed when I got home. After I had used up the last of our toilet paper I realized I had something else that would stop the blood flow:
Today sucks.
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15 comments:
sarah? where has sarah gone? saaaaaaaaarahhh!
HELLO!
i totally fall into the category of 'never had cramps,pms issues growing up until now.'
i feel your pain,sarah.
xoxo,
dorie
I was so thrilled when my child turned out to be a girl. Elegance, I said to myself. Elegance and grace will be her watchwords through life. WHERE DID I GO WRONG? On the other hand, that's gonna make a totally great picture for the family Christmas cards this year...can we photoshop some tinsel onto the end of that Tampax?
Love, Mom
SHUT UP, MOM. I'M PRETTY! :(
Hi Dorie!
OH, cousin. Of course you're pretty! On a related note, Ben (my man) had dinner with Ben (your grandmother, my GA) tonight. Randomly. Because he got stuck in Geneva courtesy of Swiss Air. My jealousy knows no bounds! Say... Don't you have a birthday coming up?
I feel your pain! Evidently, we're on the same cycle - YAY US! I didn't know that I'd been cursed as well.
At least you're pretty...
PS: I'm probably going to have to friend you on the Facebook because I don't get enough info about your life from here and on my blog and on Twitter....
oh my lands, you ARE a pretty princess!
Wendy! I want in on that Xmas card!
Cousin - I do! In just about a month! I will be having dinner with Ben (my grandmother, not your man) then!
Lainey - WOO BLOOD!
Duckie - I'M GORGEOUS
Emily - Shut up :(
This all prompted me to 1. laugh and 2. recall the time I too was ever-so resourceful with a feminine hygiene product. Years ago in Costa Rica in the middle of the jungle, my ex-boyfriend cut his toe open. It was bleeding, and we had to keep hiking, but there was nothing around for miles. So, naturally, I bandaged it with a maxi pad and hair tie.
Thing is, hilarious as it was at the time, the photograph wasn't Nearly as funny as yours. . .
OK, just to keep those who are younger in the loop- IT GETS WORSE! Huge clots, clutching heating pads, pain spreading out to your hips. A true joy. I AM looking forward to the xmas card, though
Ah, but still later in life the whole damn thing goes away, and life is beautiful...except, of course, for that little mustache. However, you can deal with that...waxing won't cure cramps!
Love, Mom
Does your old roommate now work as a cook at the Waldorf Astoria? Read at your own risk: http://gothamist.com/2009/07/15/do_not_read_if_eating_most_revoltin.php
Katy - dammit :(
Mom - SHUT UP
Mr. Kevin Taylor - Please see my most recent blog, and maybe even me if you ever get a free moment!
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