More Tampon Troubles, and Some AMAZING NEWS

Okay, first, this is ABSOLUTELY DISGUSTING, and probably not true:

This story—and we do hope it's a story—makes the guy who complained about a snake head on his plate at TGI Friday's seem like a big fat baby: A German tourist claims that while eating steak and spinach at the Waldorf Astoria on Friday night, he bit into something you'd only expect to find on the menu at a Red Roof Inn. There's really no delicate way to put this: Axel Sanz-Claus tells ABC News that during his meal at the legendary hotel's Bull and Bear Steak House, he bit into a blood-soaked tampon. UGH: "I had it in my mouth, chewed it and nearly swallowed it," Sanz-Claus says, adding, "This is so disgusting, I've felt sick ever since."

ARE YOU SERIOUS? You can read the rest of the story here. As the commenters point out, how the HELL would you not notice a tampon on a plate of steak and spinach? How would it make it to your mouth??

Guh, the thought of it makes me gag.

To make up for that awful story, Gem has shared an amazing article with me on the demise of Crocs!

The colorful foam clogs appeared in 2002, just as the country was recovering from a recession. Brash and bright, they were a cheap investment (about $30) that felt good and promised to last forever. Former president George W. Bush wore them. Aerosmith lead singer Steven Tyler wore them. Your grandma wore them. They roared along with the economy, mocked by the fashion world but selling 100 million pairs in seven years.

...

The company had expanded to meet demand, but financially pressed customers cut back. Last year the company lost $185.1 million, slashed roughly 2,000 jobs and scrambled to find money to pay down millions in debt. Now it's stuck with a surplus of shoes, and its auditors have wondered if it can stay afloat. It has until the end of September to pay off its debt.

"The company's toast," said Damon Vickers, who manages an investment fund at Nine Points Capital Partners in Seattle. "They're zombie-ish. They're dead and they don't know it."

YOU GUYS, MY CAMPAIGN IS TOTALLY WORKING. Read the rest of the article here and REJOICE! THE WORLD WILL SOON BE FREE OF THE EVIL OF CROCS.

YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!! ♦DiggIt! ♦Add to del.icio.us ♦Add to Technorati Faves

I'm Bleeding All Over The Place

I got my period today. Accompanied by cramps and general unpleasantness. Fun! I never used to get cramps. When I was younger my period came and went, and while annoying, it was never painful. Until an old woman (A WITCH! A WITCH! BURN HER!) cursed me.

Around November of 2001 I was sitting outside the Brooklyn Museum waiting for a friend, wearing an unattractive long blue coat, when an old woman with a shopping cart approached me. "Do you get cramps when you menstruate?" She asked me in her scratchy old lady witch voice.

"Excuse me?"

"Do you get cramps when you menstruaaaaaate?" She repeated.

"No, never! I'm, um....very lucky?" I replied. I was relatively disturbed that a stranger was asking me about my period.

"Well you will! Sitting on cold things! That's where the trouble starts!"

"I...What? But I'm sitting on my coat! I'm okay!"

"That's where the trouble starts!" She said, pointing at me menacingly. And then she shuffled away.

And then I started getting cramps.

Bitch.

ANYWAY - to top everything else off I got a nosebleed when I got home. After I had used up the last of our toilet paper I realized I had something else that would stop the blood flow:

Today sucks. ♦DiggIt! ♦Add to del.icio.us ♦Add to Technorati Faves

Worst. Roommate. Ever.

In early 2005, at the tender age of 20, I moved to Bushwick where I lived with four other people:
My boyfriend, two (then) random boys, and a girl who I discovered was batshit insane the second I got home from a three week European adventure with Vicky.

I got back from Europe on the 23rd of June and was home for two days before realizing that this girl was COMPLETELY INSANE...

I was going to a party that night (still horribly jet lagged) so at about 6pm I wandered into the bathroom to start getting ready. Across from our toilet was a shelving unit that held various things - styling tools, etc. You know, bathroom things. The middle shelf served as our magazine rack. As I sat on the toilet I looked towards our magazine collection and was immediately confronted with a used tampon. What. The. Fuck. Since there were only two girls living in our apartment, and I knew full well it wasn't mine, it had to be the other female roommate's.

Well, at the time female roommate was not home, but the boys were, so I dragged them all in to the bathroom, pointed and said, "What the FUCK is that?" At which point they all ran around going, "ewwwwwwwwwwww!!!" for a while. About ten minutes later I took an unused tampon and threw it at the boys in the living room. It landed in one of their hands and after shrieking like a lady for ten minutes, he turned to me and said, "Sarah. That may be the coolest thing you've ever done." Apparently they actually thought I would throw a used tampon at them. And not just any used tampon, SOMEONE ELSE'S. How gross did they think I was? (Don't answer that.)

Disgusting Female roommate did not come home for TWO days, so we had to keep the damn thing there so we could rub her nose in it like a bad puppy who's peed on the rug. Luckily one of the male roommates covered the offending object in a piece of toilet paper.

When Female roommate finally reappeared I dragged her into the bathroom and we had the following conversation (I shit you not):

Me: What the fuck is that?
Her: (Lifting up toilet paper) Oh my GOD. I'm sooo sorry!
Me: Um, it's cool...I guess…But…um, why?
(Pause)
Her: Well...My sister and I...we're saving them. We're making matching sisterhood puppets out of them.

At which point she wrapped the thing in a piece of tissue and wandered into her room.

All together now - EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!

When this bit of information was passed on to the other roommates and various friends who hung out at our apartment we tried to figure out where she was keeping them. I mean, how many places can you keep a used tampon without people noticing? You'd think the smell alone would set off a few alarms. We decided she must have some sort of container she kept them in. On a shelf or something. Apparently we were wrong. This lovely, INTERESTING girl also made jewelry,. Hideous, awful jewelry out of fabric and found objects that she used to decorate her walls and occasionally her person.

You know what else she used to decorate her walls? USED TAMPONS. We didn't notice them at first because of all the other shit up there, but upon closer inspection we realized that she had covered her walls in a collage of skank. She was kicked out shortly after the tampon fiasco, but not before we found three others lurking around the apartment. Two in the bathroom and one on the living room floor, wrapped in toilet paper.

There was also the time she left her dildo in the bathroom for three days, and the time she decided to sleep with her door open so that I was confronted with her boyfriend's balls first thing in the morning.

Man...she was a JOY.

I've gotten flack for saying she was the worst roommate ever because she didn't destroy anything or steal from us. But come ON. It was still pretty bad.

What about you guys? Any horror stories? ♦DiggIt! ♦Add to del.icio.us ♦Add to Technorati Faves