A Collection of Open Letters Round Three

You can view 1 & 2 here.

Dear EVERYONE IN THIS G-D CITY,
Stay to the right. On the street, at the subway station, WHEREVER. Just stay to the right and everyone will get where they need to go. It's NOT THAT HARD. This goes double for you Mr. Speedy McWheelChair. Being handicapped does not give you the right to cruise directly into people on Park Avenue South. I don't think those things are made to go so quickly and you almost ran me down. STAY TO THE RIGHT.

Thank You,
Sarah

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Thanks to _The Moose_ for the picture

Dear Ladies and Girls of Bushwick,
Fuzzy pink slippers are not appropriate outdoor footwear. I don't know who started this trend, but it is absolutely disgusting. I have seen at least five girls this week alone wearing them. What's the deal? This is not a clean neighborhood, God knows what you're picking up with those things. And really? You couldn't be bothered to put on real shoes? You're in PUBLIC. Step it up, ladies.

I'm Serious.

Sarah

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Dear All Of You Who Have Been Giving Me Shit About This For Years,

I finally saw The Big Lebowski all the way through! After years of people trying to show me it at 2am or later, I watched it at a decent hour. On a roof no less! The only interruption came in the form of a vomiting man two feet away. Too many White Russians will do that to a guy, I guess.

Yay!
Sarah ♦DiggIt! ♦Add to del.icio.us ♦Add to Technorati Faves

A Collection of Open Letters Round Two

Here we go again.

Dear Lady Eating Nacho Cheese Doritos on Public Transit at 8:45 in the Morning,
For starters, I really hope you aren't one of those women who can't figure out WHY their pants don't fit. I think I figured out your problem: YOU EAT JUNK FOR BREAKFAST. Secondly - That is really really mean to your fellow passengers. And by "fellow passengers" I mean "me." Who you were breathing your nasty cheese breath all over. At 8:45 in the morning. I hate you.

Nauseously Yours,
Sarah

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Dear Office Bathroom,
I heard there were not one but TWO roaches in you this afternoon. A water bug and what was described as "its baby" by a coworker. I'm really not into this and would appreciate if you knocked that shit off right now.

Thanks,
Sarah

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Dear Weather,
We need to talk. Are you lonely? Depressed? I've noticed you acting out recently, and I don't like it. It was 70 degrees last week and this morning it snowed. Twice! That is a temper tantrum if I ever heard of one. I just want you to know that I'm here for you if you want to talk about anything. And I'd really appreciate it if you would be so kind as to make up your mind. I'd like us to be friends again.

Love,
Sarah

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Dear Children Who Live Above My Office,
I understand that you're young, but could you please PLEASE save the pots and pans banging until after 6pm? I'd love if you could reschedule all piano lessons and temper tantrums as well, but know that it's a lot to ask. Why don't we start with the pots and pans and move on from there?

Let me know,
Sarah ♦DiggIt! ♦Add to del.icio.us ♦Add to Technorati Faves

A Collection of Open Letters

Dear Men,
If you have decided that the event you are going to warrants wearing a button down shirt, it most likely warrants wearing shoes as well. Please stop pairing nicely pressed shirts and flip-flops. It makes you look slightly homeless.

Love,
Sarah

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Dear Women,
I don't care if they were sold together. I don't care if they match. I don't care how you think you look. A suit consists of either a skirt and a jacket, or pants and a jacket; never shorts and a jacket. Formal shorts are a myth. Please stop wearing them to meetings.

Love,
Sarah

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Dear Men Who Wear Cologne,
Cologne and aftershave have their places, but if I can smell you from down the block you are wearing too much. Stop bathing in the stuff, it is much more repellent than attractive.

Love,
Sarah

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Dear Homeless People,
If I am ignoring you now I will continue to ignore you. Puppy-dog eyes will not help. Shaking your cup faster will not help. I am reading a book AND listening to my iPod. Take the hint. Also - I see no reason to give you money for doing nothing. I am much more likely to give you money if you draw a picture, or read a poem, or do a dance. I have to work for my money, why shouldn't you?

Love,
Sarah
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Dear Everyone,
I got home before 10pm. Hooray for me! Also, in case you missed it (which a lot of you did), I dyed my hair black. Pictures will be up shortly.

Love,
Sarah ♦DiggIt! ♦Add to del.icio.us ♦Add to Technorati Faves