Wednesday, April 08, 2009

A Collection of Open Letters Round Two

Here we go again.

Dear Lady Eating Nacho Cheese Doritos on Public Transit at 8:45 in the Morning,
For starters, I really hope you aren't one of those women who can't figure out WHY their pants don't fit. I think I figured out your problem: YOU EAT JUNK FOR BREAKFAST. Secondly - That is really really mean to your fellow passengers. And by "fellow passengers" I mean "me." Who you were breathing your nasty cheese breath all over. At 8:45 in the morning. I hate you.

Nauseously Yours,


Dear Office Bathroom,
I heard there were not one but TWO roaches in you this afternoon. A water bug and what was described as "its baby" by a coworker. I'm really not into this and would appreciate if you knocked that shit off right now.



Dear Weather,
We need to talk. Are you lonely? Depressed? I've noticed you acting out recently, and I don't like it. It was 70 degrees last week and this morning it snowed. Twice! That is a temper tantrum if I ever heard of one. I just want you to know that I'm here for you if you want to talk about anything. And I'd really appreciate it if you would be so kind as to make up your mind. I'd like us to be friends again.



Dear Children Who Live Above My Office,
I understand that you're young, but could you please PLEASE save the pots and pans banging until after 6pm? I'd love if you could reschedule all piano lessons and temper tantrums as well, but know that it's a lot to ask. Why don't we start with the pots and pans and move on from there?

Let me know,
Sarah ♦DiggIt!Add to del.icio.usAdd to Technorati Faves