I survived the crazy family tour, but not unscathed.
The first stop was Seth's mom's house, where we ate homemade corn chowder and sour-dough rolls fresh out of the oven. Seth's mother presented me with a gift, which caught me off guard in that "Shit. Was I supposed to get YOU a gift too?" kind of way. Betsey Johnson socks which were adorable and saved my butt because it was a lot colder out there than I was expecting it to be. We woke up the next morning and bummed around the house for a bit before heading out to Grandma and Grandpa's where I was presented with another gift. (DAMMIT) Grandpa's not as young as he used to be and originally thought Seth was somehow his great grandchild. Once he got over that he was pretty easy going and took me aside to make sure I was a reader and to show me the books he likes. I was thankful that I had a book on me so I was able to go, "Yes! Definitely a reader! Look! I have a book right here! That I am reading! Because I like to read!" Ahem....not to sound over eager or anything...um...yeah.
We managed to convince Grandma and Grandpa to come back to Seth's mom's house for dinner, but took a detour on the way home. Grandma has a thing for discounts and decided to present her favorite grandsons with day old bread. A LOT of day old bread. So we stopped by the duck pond where we were LITERALLY ATTACKED BY RABID DUCKS. No, seriously...check it:They marched out of the water as soon as we arrived and surrounded us:
Seth, his brother and I threw bread at each other and got to feel the curious sensation of ten ducks pecking our toes. I wouldn't advise it.
Seth's mom made a delicious beef stew for all of us, which I ate a lot of, impressing parents and grandparents alike with the size of my appetite. Hooray for being a fatty!
The next day the three of us headed out to Seth's dad's house where I almost murdered my boyfriend. You see, Seth had mentioned that he grew up in a big house his father built, and that a lot of people had docks in their back yards. What I pictured was an old beachfront community, or lake houses or something. What I was not picturing was a GATED FUCKING COMMUNITY. With a golf course next door and palm trees. I WAS NOT PREPARED FOR THIS AT ALL. Seth's brother and I were outside talking a little while after we arrived when a covered golf cart went by, followed almost immediately by a teenager on a four-wheeler. It was at that point that I collapsed onto the grass and had to lie down for a little bit.
When Seth showed me around the house and got to the room his father and step-mother had converted into a movie theatre I beat the crap out of him. "OW! You're acting like I have an ex-wife and two kids!"
"This" punch. "is pretty much" punch punch punch. "the same" punch punch "to" punch. "me." punch punch punch punch punch. "Asshole."
Please check out the view from the guest bedroom balcony:
Oh, and please note that the balcony is bigger than my bedroom.
Dude could have said SOMETHING, you know?
There was only one major foot in mouth moment when I decided to tell Seth's father, the pastor, about the time my father draped himself in snakes and told the Jehovah's witnesses that we worshipped Satan in our house. Um...oops.
After visits with all the step siblings and their kids and some burritos (HOLY WEST COAST BURRITO, BATMAN), we headed to San Francisco to chill out and hang out with friends. It was very nice to be able to not worry about what was coming out of my mouth for a little while. I also met that friend that I was scaaaaaaaared of meeting. She was not as scary as I thought she would be and even gave me a hug!
So all in all it was a good trip. And I'm happy that the meet the family part is out of the way, but wish we had more time in SF with friends.
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7 years ago