More Tampon Troubles, and Some AMAZING NEWS

Okay, first, this is ABSOLUTELY DISGUSTING, and probably not true:

This story—and we do hope it's a story—makes the guy who complained about a snake head on his plate at TGI Friday's seem like a big fat baby: A German tourist claims that while eating steak and spinach at the Waldorf Astoria on Friday night, he bit into something you'd only expect to find on the menu at a Red Roof Inn. There's really no delicate way to put this: Axel Sanz-Claus tells ABC News that during his meal at the legendary hotel's Bull and Bear Steak House, he bit into a blood-soaked tampon. UGH: "I had it in my mouth, chewed it and nearly swallowed it," Sanz-Claus says, adding, "This is so disgusting, I've felt sick ever since."

ARE YOU SERIOUS? You can read the rest of the story here. As the commenters point out, how the HELL would you not notice a tampon on a plate of steak and spinach? How would it make it to your mouth??

Guh, the thought of it makes me gag.

To make up for that awful story, Gem has shared an amazing article with me on the demise of Crocs!

The colorful foam clogs appeared in 2002, just as the country was recovering from a recession. Brash and bright, they were a cheap investment (about $30) that felt good and promised to last forever. Former president George W. Bush wore them. Aerosmith lead singer Steven Tyler wore them. Your grandma wore them. They roared along with the economy, mocked by the fashion world but selling 100 million pairs in seven years.

...

The company had expanded to meet demand, but financially pressed customers cut back. Last year the company lost $185.1 million, slashed roughly 2,000 jobs and scrambled to find money to pay down millions in debt. Now it's stuck with a surplus of shoes, and its auditors have wondered if it can stay afloat. It has until the end of September to pay off its debt.

"The company's toast," said Damon Vickers, who manages an investment fund at Nine Points Capital Partners in Seattle. "They're zombie-ish. They're dead and they don't know it."

YOU GUYS, MY CAMPAIGN IS TOTALLY WORKING. Read the rest of the article here and REJOICE! THE WORLD WILL SOON BE FREE OF THE EVIL OF CROCS.

YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!! ♦DiggIt! ♦Add to del.icio.us ♦Add to Technorati Faves

Blah Blah Blah Clogs Blah Blah Blah

see more Lolcats and funny pictures

Love. ♦DiggIt! ♦Add to del.icio.us ♦Add to Technorati Faves

The Clogs, they are trying to kill me.

The lovely Miss Karin decided yesterday that I should vomit on everything. Or have a seizure. Or perhaps both. She sent me an e-mail with a subject line reading "ahem" and no content other than a link.

A link to something terrible:

Yes, these actually exist.

They are quite possibly the worst shoes I have ever seen in my life. EVER. Ugg Clogs? REALLY? I swear someone out there is trying to kill me. It's the only logical explanation. No one would actually WEAR these...would they?

I'm sorry I subjected you to them, but I couldn't suffer in silence. I just couldn't.

To make up for it, if you are in the NYC area and have a love for donuts, please check out this place: The Doughnut Plant

It's on the Lower East Side and the doughnuts are OUT OF THIS WORLD. Seriously, make a trip. It's worth it.

Kisses!

♦DiggIt! ♦Add to del.icio.us ♦Add to Technorati Faves

Clogs, Stupid Tattoos and Other Things

On my train ride home this evening (after tracking down a text book that was supposed to be "incredibly easy to find because everyone has been using it for years" and only finding it in the third store I went to) I drafted a beautifully written blog entry in my head about the wonders of being in your late teens and early twenties. It was going to be all about the stupid decisions you make and how you'll never be anything like your parents and blah blah blah. Then I got into my apartment and ::poof:: it was gone. So instead you get pictures I took on my iPhone in the last few days.

You also get more bitching about clogs because HOLY SHIT...look at these:
But WAIT...it gets better!


Heels!

I mentioned the heeled clog in my first entry about them...behold.

I took these while stopping in Strawberry after tracking down the G.D. book. (Of which I got the last copy thankyouverymuch) As I continued my way through the mostly awful shoe section I came across the matching boots:

The shoe part appears to be plastic while the rest is made up of a thick sock. Why would you do this? Plastic for rain protection and sock for....? Soaking up rain? (Oh NO. I've just looked up the company, Betseyville, and they appear to be Betsey Johnson. But...but...I love Betsey Johnson. I do not, however, appear to love this particular shoe line. Take a gander. Are those not the worst things you have ever seen? Holy crap. I wear a lot of weird shit, but those are just awful.)

Right. Moving on.

The whole idea behind blogging about stupid decisions came from eyeing this on the train:

It says "Fuck Love" not "Fuck You" which is what it looks like for some reason.

Now, I'm all for tattoos. I have one myself that I am very fond of, and plan on getting at least one more. But the thing about tattoos, for me, is that if you're going to get something like this go all or nothing. Sure this is easy enough to cover up, but what happens when you're in your 40s on a company golfing trip and you keep getting asked why you're wearing long sleeves in ninety degree weather? "Well you see, when I was twenty I thought it would be a really good idea to get 'fuck' written in relatively large letters on my arm." If you're going to get "Fuck Love" get it across your knuckles. It'll fit.

I do believe tattoo acceptance is changing. They are so common among people my age that the corporate world is going to have to (and in some cases has begun to) deal with them. But at the same time, I'm not sure if there will ever be a time when having "fuck" written on your arm permanently will ever be completely okay. And on top of that, "Fuck Love"? What happens when you get married?

♦DiggIt! ♦Add to del.icio.us ♦Add to Technorati Faves

The lolcats understand me

See?

They understand!

Thanks ICHCB! ♦DiggIt! ♦Add to del.icio.us ♦Add to Technorati Faves

What year is it?

So I've been seeing a lot of clothing recently that convinces me it is 1993 and not 2008. (Granted, this is coming from a girl wearing cutoff shorts over leggings at the moment, but no matter. I love the 90s and have never fully been able to let them die.) There's a difference between honestly loving the 90s and being a fashion whore. There is also a huge HUGE problem when things like this begin popping up in stores:

You have got to be fucking kidding me. Suede-rhinestone peace sign-heeled clogs. (If you don't know about my hatred of clogs, feel free to catch up.) I took this photo on Saturday, and no, I hadn't been in the TARDIS. (Points for anyone who knows what I'm talking about.) This trend can't be coming back. I won't stand for it!

I'm happy to embrace some throwbacks. Leggings? Fine. I shunned them for a while but MAN are they comfortable. The return of the Bedazzler? Awesome! Bedazzling is fun! (Though the new Bedazzler kind of sucks. It just doesn't seem to work as well as the old one.) The Music? Oh yes. 90s Dance Parties are the absolute best.

And then there are others that I am simply not having. And I keep seeing them, and I keep hoping I'm imagining the whole thing.Motherfucking high-heeled sneakers. No. No. No. No. No. They were not a good idea in 1996 (when I owned not one, but two pairs of chunky heeled tan sneakers) and they are not a good idea now.

They're just so trashy. ♦DiggIt! ♦Add to del.icio.us ♦Add to Technorati Faves

Pictures from my cellphone

1)
I really wish I could have gotten a better picture of this guy, and also of the entire crew he was with. Dude is wearing super wide leg pants that for some unknown reason had pockets on the back of his calves. Really big pockets that I can't even imagine the thought process behind unless it was something along the lines of, "Well we have all this extra denim lying about, let's just stick some right, um....here." That was enough to make me twitchy, but then I noticed that - crap and a half - he is also wearing bright fucking orange Crocs. And holding a badminton racket. Then, I look to the right and notice that, you guessed it, his buddy is also wearing Crocs. And THEN I realize that there are three girls with these guys and two of THEM are wearing Crocs. It seriously almost ruined my brunch. And brunch is my favorite meal of the week!

2)
A couple of weeks ago, in the supermarket, I noticed this while searching for a can of tuna. The second I saw it I thought to myself, "There is no way in hell this is what I think it is. No one could get away with it!" So I picked it up, and I turned it around slowly and, lo and behold, the only ingredient listed was "monosodium glutamate." So it was what I thought it was and apparently, yes, they can get away with it. Whoever "They" are.

3)
On Thursday night, because Friday was a holiday, I ended up ending the night on the roof of my old apartment building. We decided we were going to stay up until 6am to get breakfast from this place called Bill's down the block, which has the weirdest fucking hours in the world. They are open from 6am until about 2pm...when they feel like it. Which is horribly disappointing because they make one of the best bacon egg and cheese sandwiches in the city. So 6am rolls around and three of us (including me wearing those socks you see in the picture and a pair of my friend Shai's slip on Vans because the shoes I had been wearing since 10am decided that my feet were a delicious snack and destroyed them completely) trek down to Bill's. Which is closed because of the fourth of July. Maybe. It could just be that they didn't feel like it. You never know with Bill's. So we decided to find another place in the neighborhood where we can get our snack on. A strangely large amount of exceptionally friendly people were awake in Bushwick at 6am on a Friday morning, so they tried to point us in the direction of snacks. Nothing was open. So, because Shai and his friend Michael both work in Kitchens, we decided to get a dozen eggs, a pound of bacon, some cheese and a baguette. Shai and Michael made the group a giant bacon egg and cheese sandwich and it was awesome.

By the time this picture was taken I had decided that I was sleeping on the roof, in the hammock, and it was going to be super awesome. Which is probably would have been, but about 30 minutes into my sleep it decided to rain, so Shai made me go back downstairs. I fought it, but in the end it was probably the best decision. I can't even imagine the sunburn I would have woken up with.Oh wait. Yes I can. ♦DiggIt! ♦Add to del.icio.us ♦Add to Technorati Faves

Guess what! I still hate Clogs...and Crocs.

Taken from The Best Page in the Universe:

Before I begin, I should warn you that I know dick about fashion. It's not just a clever title to get your attention, though it's admittedly clever (I'm honest enough to admit when something is brilliant, even when it's my own writing).

You shouldn't read this article if you're a woman with low self-esteem. I don't need my inbox filled with emails from teary-eyed women reaffirming how astute my observations are by shrieking at me for ruining their lives.

Women get away with murder in our society, especially when it comes to the visual pollution they call fashion. So I'm going to do what few people—few men—have ever done by criticizing you. Sure, you may be thinking "but Maddox, people criticize women's fashion all the time!" Yes, but not men, and definitely not badasses like me.... Until now.

Crocs look like shit and they make your feet smell.

When I see people wearing Crocs, I know immediately that we have nothing in common, and that we could never be friends or have any meaningful kind of relationship. They come in every color imaginable yet look bad with every other article of clothing ever created. The only thing that goes with Crocs is social ostracism.

To their credit though, Crocs serve as an excellent idiot barometer; you can tell a lot about people wearing them. For example, Amazon.com suggest products that other customers have purchased based on the item you're shopping for. Here are the suggestions for Crocs:

When it comes to shoes, there are usually three deciding factors: quality, price, and style. Some shoes are cheap and stylish, but poor quality, while others are stylish and durable, but expensive. Crocs usually go for $30-$60, which doesn't sound like much for a shoe, until you consider that what you're really paying for are melted pellets squirted into a cast-iron mold in some province in China. Crocs have the rare combination of being expensive, poor quality, and ugly. It's quite a feat for one shoe to suck this bad.

People who wear Crocs go on and on about how comfortable they are, and how it's supposedly odor resistant because it's made out of some kind of anti-bacterial foam. Great point, dipshits! You know what else it's resistant to? You getting laid. Then as if the shoes weren't disgusting enough, Crocs introduced a product called "Crocs butter" that's supposed to restore that illustrious injection-molded sheen to those gaping holes they call shoes:

You know that feeling you get when you're full and slightly nauseous and you burp and you can taste the partly digested food in the back of your throat? There isn't a word in the english language to succinctly describe it, but I will hereby refer to it as: croc-butter.

Thank You, Internet. And thank you Best Page In The Universe.

♦DiggIt! ♦Add to del.icio.us ♦Add to Technorati Faves

Dear New Yorker Cartoonists,

Thank you for living inside of my brain.

Love,
Sarah Booz ♦DiggIt! ♦Add to del.icio.us ♦Add to Technorati Faves

Hate hate hate hate hate

In case you missed it: I hate clogs.

Seriously, seriously HATE. I think they are DUMB. So you can imagine my anger when I was walking down Columbus Avenue and I came across this:

A store completely devoted to Crocs. Different colors and sizes and styles! You've got to be fucking kidding me. At least CLOGS-N-MORE had more than just clogs.

So. Grumpy.

♦DiggIt! ♦Add to del.icio.us ♦Add to Technorati Faves

Fuck Clogs

That's really it. ♦DiggIt! ♦Add to del.icio.us ♦Add to Technorati Faves

Fuck Crocs too

It's hard to find time to update this thing now that I have no computer at home and spend most of my time either reading or sleeping, but here I am anyway. Hi!

I realized that I need to make an amendment to this post.

FUCK CROCS.

Seriously.

I have seen these EVERYWHERE in the last few years, including AT A WEDDING. We have a serious problem when people think it's okay to wear these stupid fucking shoes for anything but gardening or cooking.

So fuck Crocs and fuck Mario Batali.

Seriously. ♦DiggIt! ♦Add to del.icio.us ♦Add to Technorati Faves

I Hate Clogs

I hate clogs. I mean I really, really hate them.

Sure I had a pair of gold ones when I was in the 4th grade, and sure I thought I was awesome because of it, but you have to take into account that it was 1993 and I simply didn't know any better. You also have to take into account that I wore a denim vest with random buttons all over it with said gold clogs. It wasn't pretty and neither was I. I was a very awkward child.

Moving on!

I spent a couple of months on the west coast (mostly the Pacific Northwest) last year and while there I was confronted with a store called "Clogs-N-More".
I. Was. Pissed. So pissed infact, that I took a picture.



Hello!

I was jobless, carless and without license while on the west coast, so I spent a lot of time walking around. I also happened to spend a lot of time walking on the street that housed Clogs-N-more. Every single time it made me angry. I must have walked past the place fifty times and every.single.time I got mad.

Is that unhealthy?

No. No it isn't.

BEHOLD...THE CLOG

Ah, the rain clog. Just what every "girl on the go" needs. Keeps your toes nice and dry while your heels get soaked. It's SO FUCKING LOGICAL. Seriously, WHAT THE FUCK? Who the FUCK thought this was a good idea?? And daisies? Are you joking? These look like they were made by a retarded school child who was tragically born WITHOUT FUCKING HEELS.

I don't know about you, but my heels are prone to dampness. And cold.

Speaking of...look what we have here!

The sheep skin lined clog. Apparently that poor heeless child (heelless? Whatever.) needs protection from not only the summer rain, but also from those harsh Pacific NW winters.
"I know! I'll make a completely useless, brandname shoe! Then people will have to buy them!" (Don't even get me started on Uggs. UGH.) These shoes aren't doing anybody any good. They are only making normal, sensible girls like myself very very upset.

And last, but certainly not least, we have the heeled clog. The heeled clog makes just about as much sense as the heeled moccasin and the heeled flip flop. At least the lady with questionable taste (and no heels) can feel pretty on a night out on the town. Red Lobster and a strip club, anyone? ♦DiggIt! ♦Add to del.icio.us ♦Add to Technorati Faves