Unemployed

Yesterday I got fired from the coffee shop I've been working at for over six months. Via e-mail. And not just any e-mail either.

hi sara

for all sort off resones im not going to use y animore at marius caffee

i think y are a great girl im mean it bat i have to make cats

and also other reason

so y can come therdsday to peak y money

i dont think there is a point for y to continiu to finish the week

best and good louck

marius

I think I'm going to get a t-shirt made.

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I cannot has nice things

In the last few months I have

1) Lost my cell phone and therefore all my phone numbers

2) Replaced my cell phone and attempted to get everyone's numbers again

3) Had to completely reset my cell phone because it had some error or another. Lost everyone's phone numbers again.

Before that I have lost cell phones in the sewers of Boston, cabs, bars, and managed to get an iPhone to completely crap out on me though I still have absolutely no idea how. I once dropped my phone down four stories, but it managed to survive completely unscathed.

Last night I knocked my newly reset Blackberry into the toilet.

Yes, I am that awesome.

It works...sort of...and should be fine in a few days, but it doesn't make it any less annoying that I dropped my G-D phone in the toilet.

So, mostly, I'm an idiot.

Aren't you all happy to have me back?

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Dammit

Why is it totally hilarious to spew Shakespeare in other countries? Why can't OUR awful students spit it out?

That was for the UK Comic Relief.

Here's an example of a recent USA Comic Relief:



Honestly...try and sit through that. "It's like sweet potatoes hating yams!" SHUT UP. "I don't care if you think I'm racist as long as you think I'm a thin racist." REALLY? Gaaaah. I have zero hope for (famous [I know some funny people]) American comedy at this point.

In our defense - America did get the Glorious Eddie Izzard one year:


Eddie Izzard Performs at the US Comic Relief 1998 - For more funny videos, click here

OH WAIT. He did that before. Eddie Fucking Izzard couldn't be bothered to give America new material.

What the shit does that tell you? ♦DiggIt! ♦Add to del.icio.us ♦Add to Technorati Faves

TAX SEASON AGAIN!

Because I am AWESOME, I managed to lose a W-2 AGAIN this year. Yeah. Me = TEH AWESOME.

The missing W-2 is from a sometimes job I don't even HAVE anymore and the owner of the company has not responded to my e-mail telling her to PLEASE send me a new one, KTHNX. So...yeah. I'm filing for an extension.

Greeeeeeeeeeeeat.

Update on the leaky window is nonexistent because my landlord has not come to fix it.
I'm STARVING.
Seth and I are going to California on Thursday and I still have MUCH to do before then.
I'm exhausted.

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Holy Shit - Seriously?

Dear everyone in Middle America, New Jersey, Dublin and Massachusetts (ESPECIALLY Massachusetts - you seem to have performed the search more than anyone else this month),
STOP SEARCHING "Versailles Boutique" and "Versailles Boutique - 8th Street and MacDougal" and "New York Boutiques - Versailles" AND "VERSAILLES boutique" (yes, some genius decided the store needed to be in all CAPS. For whatever reason)

Look. I covered it. I think it's terrible.

I can't imagine why you keep searching it.

Really. I don't.

Please....it's so terrible.

Please stop.

Look to the Fug Girls. They will steer you from your skanky expensive tastes.

Knock it off. ♦DiggIt! ♦Add to del.icio.us ♦Add to Technorati Faves

It was bound to happen soon enough

Remember little Adolf Hitler Campbell? He and his sisters, JoyceLynn Aryan Nation Campbell and Honszlynn Hinler Jeannie Campbell, were (finally) taken away from their parents last night. Apparently there had been no reports of child abuse, but isn't the name Adolf Hitler enough? Not to mention being raised to be completely and totally racist.

That sounds like abuse to me.

You can read the full story here.

In other news - I finally saw Twilight and Bride Wars on Sunday. My friend V and I were feeling a touch under the weather and decided to do a sneaky double feature in Union Square. Something I had not done since I was about twelve. I'd forgotten how EASY it is.

Bride Wars was completely and totally terrible, yet managed to make me cry. Because I am a complete and total baby and everything makes me cry. When I was six I had to be physically removed from a movie theatre during BINGO because I was sobbing so hysterically. Don't remember Bingo? Nobody does. Here's the summary (thanks IMDB) :

When Bingo, a runaway circus dog who leaves the big top, saves the life of Chuckie, a young boy who is having trouble fitting in with his pals. The two quickly become best friends-skateboarding, playing pinball, and doing math homework together. But Chuckie's parents discover the stowaway pooch, and make no bones about the fact that Bingo will not accompany them on their cross-country move. What follows next is a heart warming 1000 mile adventure of puppy love and loyalty as Bingo and Chuckie encounter nutty characters and hilarious situations in their quest to be reunited. Dog catchers, kidnappers, hospitals and even prison cant keep the two misfits apart!

Uh huh. Physically removed. Because I was HYPERVENTILATING.

As a teenager I had to stop watching Ice Age on a plane because I was crying so much that my seatmate noticed.

When I watch E.T. I start crying the second the first bicycle leaves the ground and I don't stop until the end of the film. I'm terrible.

Anywho, Bride Wars sucked. Don't waste your money.

Twilight? Also sucked. If you haven't read the book the movie will make absolutely no sense to you. V was confused. Hell, half the time I was confused. It was completely terrible. But you know what I'm doing now? Rereading Twilight! Why? Because Stephanie Meyer has managed to write crack.

So you know what?

Fuck you Stephanie Meyer! Give me my life back! ♦DiggIt! ♦Add to del.icio.us ♦Add to Technorati Faves

Poor Kids

Back in April a couple from New Zealand was told that they could not name their child "4Real", and were quite upset about it. They opted instead to put "Superman" on his birth certificate and continue to call him 4Real around the house. When asked why they named him 4Real to begin with, "Mr Wheaton said he came up with the unlikely moniker after seeing the baby for the first time in an ultrasound scan and realising their baby was 'for real'."

Yeah, some people should not breed.

In July, New Zealand was in the news again for weird baby names. A nine year old girl named, no kidding, "Talulah Does The Hula From Hawaii" was scared of being teased by her classmates and asked to be called "K" instead. She had her name legally changed, but the Judge, Rob Murfitt, attacked the trend of weird names and was able to cite several examples of both allowed and banned names.

The banned names included Fat Boy, Fish and Chips (twins), and Sex Fruit. The allowed names were not much better and included Violence, Number 16 Bus Shelter, and a set of twins named Benson and Hedges.
As I stated when this article first came out, the only reason I can imagine for a child being named Number 16 Bus Shelter would be if they were conceived there. And if that's the case? Ewwwwwwww....

Also? Twins named Fish and Chips are way less trashy then a set named Benson and Hedges. Just sayin'.

Anywhoooo, this week Americans decided to get in on the weird baby name trend. Though in the case of this New Jersey couple the names were more offensive than strange. The Campbell family of New Jersey was very upset when a local establishment refused to write their son's name on a birthday cake. Their son's name is Adolf Hitler Campbell.

I'll let that soak in for a minute.

They said that they named their son that because it was original and they liked the name. It has nothing to do with the fact that they are insane racists! Of course not! If they were insane racists would they have named their second child JoyceLynn Aryan Nation Campbell? I think not! (No, seriously, they really named their daughter that.) Would they give their third child a middle name that sounds suspiciously like Himmler? Of course not!

I'm really hoping this whole thing turns out to be a hoax.

Can we start manditory IQ testing for breeding rights? Because this is getting ridiculous.

Thanks to Geekologie for all the tips! ♦DiggIt! ♦Add to del.icio.us ♦Add to Technorati Faves

So Effing Angry

Well, not now. Now I feel just fine, but on Friday night I almost killed a man. I mentioned a couple of posts back that my mother's neighbor was mugged in front of our house last week, which was scary and shitty and horrible. There's a building complex that runs through Greenwich Village that has security guards who patrol the area. Which is lovely and makes things feel a little safer around here; or it did until Friday night.

I was walking out of a cab when I saw one of the security guards and decided to ask him if anything else had happened, etc. So I said, "Excuse me!" No response. I walked a little closer and said, "Excuse me!" again. No response. So I finally tapped him on the shoulder. He turned around and TOOK OUT HIS HEADPHONES. At which point I screamed at him for about five minutes. I asked if he knew there had been a pretty terrible mugging down the block last week and he said, "Not my jurisdiction." To which I responded, "WELL IF YOU HAD BEEN ABLE TO HEAR WHAT WAS GOING ON YOU MIGHT HAVE BEEN ABLE TO CALL THE POLICE OR SOMETHING YOU ASSHAT!"

I simply couldn't believe it! This guy is paid to keep an eye out in the neighborhood and he can't be bothered to turn off his music and be alert during work? Fuck that.

I'm going to report him when I see his supervisor again.

So. Pissed. ♦DiggIt! ♦Add to del.icio.us ♦Add to Technorati Faves

Gossip! Gossip! Gossip!

I am completely and utterly fascinated by celebrity gossip. I read Perez Hilton, I read The Superficial, I buy weekly tabloids for reading on the subway. And I don't even know why. I know they are stupid, I know half the "stories" they report are not true. I know that the celebrities themselves think the whole thing is creepy and horrible. I think the paparazzi are parasites and know first hand that they can be absolutely terrifying at times.

But I still can't help it.

There is some weird thing embedded in our culture today that makes it somewhat of a sin to not know that so and so is pregnant, or gay, or cheating on their lover. We want to know when a celebrity gets engaged the second they do it, yet we shun the celebrities who put their whole lives out there for us to see. (See, Speidi, Denise Richards, et al.) We want them to be secretive, but not so secretive that we don't know every detail. Because then we would be out of the loop, and God forbid we should be out of the loop.

Oddly enough, though I do read all this junk (and have been yelled at about, being told "Sarah. What have I told you in the past about that reading that trash. It's called trash for a reason. Remember? We talked about this.") I am rarely star struck. I grew up in Greenwich Village which is home to many a famous face, so seeing one while out and about became a normal occurrence. Actually, once, as a child, I was horrible star struck when we realized that a character from Mister Rogers lived in the neighborhood and was a friend of a friend and I got to meet her. I kind of flipped out, but I was four at the time. I think it's allowed. But other than that? Rarely am I totally freaked out by the prospect of seeing or meeting someone famous, because if you get down to it they are just people. They have no super powers, just good genes and more talent than the average bear.

Perhaps one day this whole reality culture and obsession about the lives of famous people will die down and we'll start asking for the autographs of people like Jonas Salk (invented a polio vaccine), the people who work for Merck & Co (invented the cervical cancer vaccine), or the yet unknown faces who will one day cure AIDS and Cancer. That seems like a much better group of people to look up to, rather than half the people kids are looking up to these days. Do you know there are actually kids out there who want to be just like the cast of The Hills? I mean, sure having money and doing nothing must be nice, but doesn't it get a little...I don't know...Boring?

I think I just want people to be smart and interesting again. Is that too much to ask? ♦DiggIt! ♦Add to del.icio.us ♦Add to Technorati Faves

A Weekend Away and Various Other things

If, like me, you are too broke to fly or take the train to major cities on the East coast, then you have to rely on buses. I would love to take the Train absolutely everywhere, but train tickets tend to start around the $100 mark, while buses start at about ten. So there we are.
I have now taken the Chinatown bus to Philly, to Boston and to Washington, DC. Here is a rundown:

The Boston <---> NYC Chinatown bus is lovely. It's cheaper than Greyhound, gets you there faster, and I have never once had to share a seat with a woman and her child who have been on the bus since somewhere in California. On top of everything else, it now drops you off exactly where the Greyhound does. It's a win win situation.

The Philadelphia <---> NYC Chinatown bus is kind of...meh. It's relatively quick (after all Philly is only about 2 hours away), but the smell. Holy GOD the smell. The bathroom reeks, people bring on all different kinds of stinky food and it smells awful. Other than that, no complaints.

But holy shit. The DC <---> NYC Chinatown bus is mindblowingly terrible. This is a trip that should take 5 hours at most. But noooo...both going down and coming back up this weekend I was on a bus for well over six hours. Man that sucks. The particular company I was using, Tony, seems to do everything in their power to get their buses full. So on the NYC side there are three stops to pick people up, and on the DC side there are at least two, plus a stop in Baltimore, plus pulling over to pick a random person up on the side of the road. I am not joking. So while I plan on going back to DC in the not too distant future, I do not plan on using that bus company ever again. Ever. Holy God. Oh, and it was the only bus out of the three that made me actually fear for my life. I thought on more than one occasion that we were going to roll over and die. Effing awful.

Other than the horrible bus rides, my weekend was spectacular. I got closer to my family. Confirmed my fears about a thirteen year old girl, and got free sushi. Pretty sweet, huh? Crap she's tall. And redheaded. And such a teenager. Sc-a-ry.

In other news it was the first time in a long long time that more than half of the eleven grandchildren were together in one place. So that's...something. Right?

In other other news: I got my first anonymous comment! And it's MEAN. Which means that strangers (or perhaps just people who hate me) are reading the blog. Yay! Please see my last post (Guess what! I still hate clogs. and Crocs) to view the comment. Aren't people just the nicest?

So thank you, anonymous poster. Please feel free to stop by anytime. Kisses! ♦DiggIt! ♦Add to del.icio.us ♦Add to Technorati Faves

Grumble

Dear Everyone,

• If you have a gut, please do not wear jeans that are four sizes too small.

• If you live in a shitty neighborhood (ahem, Bushwick), do not walk home after dark with your headphones blasting. It is really stupid.

• If you don't hear me when I say "excuse me" on the subway, it is not my fault and it does not warrant a snotty conversation with your friend that I can hear. Very clearly. Because you are all of six inches away from me. Asshat.

• Please, PLEASE learn how to use a computer. For my sake? I never signed up to be IT.

• I'm sorry I have a cough. Please stop looking at me like I have fifteen heads. I am coughing into my scarf AND my hand. It's not going to get on you and besides, I don't think it's contagious. Seriously. Stop LOOKING at me.

I think that's it for now.

Love,
Sarah ♦DiggIt! ♦Add to del.icio.us ♦Add to Technorati Faves

I can't believe these people actually exist.

Feast your eyes on this:



STAB STAB STAB STAB STAB ♦DiggIt! ♦Add to del.icio.us ♦Add to Technorati Faves

Two things I want to talk about:

1) Casual encounters on craiglist. Have you ever gone through these things? It's a bunch of people posting pictures of their naughty bits and asking if anyone wants to do some coke and have sex. I was going through them last night because I was bored and I found a couple of gems:

It is Saturday night and my daughter is sleeping, I am looking for a sexy woman to come over now for some NSA fun. Moaning is ok screaming is out we don't want to wake my 4 yr old. Please reply only if you are seriously interested in making this happen, I have had a long hard week and I need a release only after I make you cum at least twice. This is how I think it should go, you reply, we trade pics, then you come over. Afterward, either we say thank you and go our seperate ways or we do this once in a while.

You have a four year old daughter and you are inviting strangers to your house. Your child is danger of becoming a complete maniac. Congratulations.

ARE U SITTING UP PLAYING WITH THAT WET WET?
DO U WANNA BE BENDED OVER MY WASHING MACHINE ON SPIN CYCLE?
DO U WANT A MOUTH FULL OF BLACK COCKASUARUSH?
TAKE IT OUT & SPIT ON IT WHILE I SQUEEZE & SMACK THOSE TITTY NIPPLES.
PULL UR HAIR & BANG U FROM THE BACK .
PULL OUT & BUST IN UR FACE.
HIT ME UP, ALL UR PRAYERS WILL BE ANSWERED.

Cockasuarush? Really? Who wants to sleep with someone who compares their parts to an extinct species with the brain the size of a walnut? Also - titty nipples.

The elusive cockosaurus

2) I just saw a thirteen year old boy at Starbucks with acne, a severe overbite and an iPhone. Good job, parents! You can afford an iPhone for a kid who will probably destroy it in a month but you can't be bothered to invest in braces or Proactive. Awesome.


I really hate people. ♦DiggIt! ♦Add to del.icio.us ♦Add to Technorati Faves