Saturday, March 22, 2008

On being afraid of a thirteen year old girl

If for some reason you didn't know: I have a large, weird family.
I'm not very close with my mother's side of the family, because she was an only child and no one (except for her first cousin who lives with her and drives her nuts) lives near New York. But my father was one of five. And everyone had children. So I have (bum bum bum baaaaaaaah....) ten first cousins. Not to mention the fact that everyone is cousin, whether they are second or fourth or seventy-seventh. Freakishly huge family. Seriously.


I am the oldest of my generation (all eleven of us)*. By almost exactly six years. My parents had me and then no one else got around to having children for another six years. After those six years, people kept popping out boys, so it was not until July 14th 1994 that I finally got a girl cousin. I am going to see this girl cousin for the first time since she was eleven in a few weeks and I am scared. Absolutely fucking terrified. And it is for quite possibly the stupidest reason in the world: My itty bitty baby girl cousin is now taller than I am.

I have finally gotten used to the boys being taller than me, I have even accepted the fact that they are teenagers. (When they aren't being dicks about it.) But baby girl cousin? Who was a child approximately ten minutes ago? Hold up. No no no no no. I think it plays on the fears I mentioned in this post, namely that HOLY SHIT I'M GETTING OLD. And also - Gah! I was the biggest and the strongest for so many years. I am used to being smaller than everyone, but not everyone that I spent so much time being bigger than! Blah.

My aunt apparently shares (or at least understands) my fear about these people getting taller. A couple of months ago she wrote me this in an e-mail (about her three children):

Bill** is taller than me, by at least 2", which has the strange affect of changing our relationship. If he says no to me about something I simply comply because otherwise he could hurt me. Quite simple, law of the land and all. Brawn trumps brain. Tots** too is springing forth, disturbingly. Emerald** remains shorter than you.

My grandmother, on the other hand, continues her unwavering sunny outlook on the subject:

You'll just have to remember that you have age, wisdom, and experience on your
side, and all your younger cousins look up to you mentally, even if they are looking down physically..

I suppose it's a pretty good way of looking at things.

But seriously? I really ENJOYED being the biggest!

*On my branch of the family. My grandmother was one of four and all of THEM had children, which is where I get second cousins.
**names have been changed. (Well DUH. No one names a kid Tots)

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