- If you have a gut, please do not wear jeans that are four sizes too small.
- If you live in a shitty neighborhood (ahem, Bushwick), do not walk home after dark with your headphones blasting. It is really stupid.
- If you don't hear me when I say "excuse me" on the subway, it is not my fault and it does not warrant a snotty conversation with your friend that I can hear. Very clearly. Because you are all of six inches away from me. Asshat.
- Please, PLEASE learn how to use a computer. For my sake? I never signed up to be IT.
- I'm sorry I have a cough. Please stop looking at me like I have fifteen heads. I am coughing into my scarf AND my hand. It's not going to get on you and besides, I don't think it's contagious. Seriously. Stop LOOKING at me.
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