Today, while sitting at my desk at work, I felt something on my foot. I looked down to investigate and saw a WATER BUG scuttling away towards the kitchen. Rather than screaming, which I really would have liked to do, I said, "OH MY GOD!" very loudly, got up, and walked across the room. The rest of the office looked at me like I was insane. "There was a giant roach under my desk and it CRAWLED ON MY FOOT!" I announced. Two of the guys went to investigate, saw nothing, and deemed me delusional. "Uh huh...sure there was a giant roach..." I sat cross legged on my office chair looking very silly and occasionally sneaking glances under my desk to make sure the thing was really gone. About ten minutes later a scream comes from the next room. "AAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!! THERE IS A GIANT BUG IN HERE OH MAI GAAAAAAHHHHHHDDD!" I looked at my office mates and said very loudly, "See? NOT CRAZY!" Someone attempted to kill it as it headed back for the kitchen but sadly it moved too quickly. As of press time the beast is still at large.
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Would it be impolite of me to walk up to a perfect stranger and say, "Excuse me, ma'am? I couldn't help but notice that your eight year old son has breasts. Do you think maybe you shouldn't be stopping at the Mr. Softee truck again when I can still see the stains from your last visit? Just curious. Have a nice day!"?
Because, my GOD, I fight the urge about twenty times a day.
Actually, I never plan on being that polite. I mostly just want to run up to the kid and say something like, "PLAY TAG, FATTY!" or "HEY, TUBBY! VIDEO GAMES TO NOT COUNT AS EXERCISE!" And sometimes, "My LORD you are a rotund little thing!"
Maybe I'm just a bad person?
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15 years ago
