Scrubbing Bubbles or Strange names I have called my lovers

I have called my boyfriends some really weird things. This is a habit I picked up from my mother who, while she only ever called my father "Honey", "Dear" or "You Asshole", was fond of giving me odd pet names when I was a child. These included, but were not limited to:

• Mouse Mouse
• Hamburger
• Fuzzlehead
• Whoever You Are
• Fred

I apparently decided I would keep up this tradition but, since I don't have children, my boyfriends become subject to whatever odd name I decide to call them at that moment. When I was younger, I tended to stick to normal things like "Baby," but as I've gotten older the crazy has taken over and I have ended up calling people some really weird things.

My last boyfriend, for no particular reason, became "Butt Butt" one day. "Butt Butt" evolved into "General McButtButt" which in turn made me become "The Esteemed Lady McButtButt." I really wish I was joking about this, but I'm not.

Seth, luckily, has given me my fair share of weird petnames, so I don't feel so bad when I call him something entirely random. He started calling me "Lamb" when we were first dating and so he, of course, became "Sir Lambsalot" one of the famous Knights of the Lamb Table. On a regular basis he is any combination of the words head, space, face, case, pants, pumpkin, lamb, etc. It is perfectly normal for me to pick up the phone and go, "Hi Spacehead-lambpants!" Which makes NO SENSE. Well yesterday I decided that his new name should be "Scrubbing Bubbles." The best part about it is that it almost sounds dirty. It also sounds like there should be a funny story accompanying the pet name but (guess what!) there isn't. I'm just a crazy person.

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